Defeated in glorious grainy 16-bit merfy merpy color stuffy. Frrrt on ma rusty bumplies.

Me: Smorshfist Wotring
Me: Brackless Destiny Wotring
Me: Super Mushlette Wotring
Me: Moppy Wrangler
Me: Strandy Undie
Jeff: Popper Nestify
Me: Stop Westification Wotring
Jeff: Gorgon Hiesenburg Wotring
Jeff: Valhalla Krytos Wotring
Me: Geurselee Yorker
Me: Xythosian Aantombler Wotring
Jeff: I’Moorlak Ghys-zvhydruen Wotring
Me: Barrading Stimpy
Me: Revolving Trussmiffler
Jeff: Farvlow Abingdon
Jeff: Portulance Constituent
Me: Yord de Vord
Jeff: Borque E Borque
Me: Yord de Vord, I drive a Ford.
Me: Ferdy Herder
Jeff: Megatron Humphry Wotring
Me: Ms. Spathy Penetratelson Wotring
Me: Mr. Youngly Molerithe
Jeff: Mothra Yessireebob Wotring
Me: Ronky Squeeknerf
Jeff: Zabadoo Zebediah Zachariah Wotring
Me: zzzw. what’s up man.
Jeff: Fritz Cornshuuter Wotring
Me: Vadim Yortgagger
Me: Colluna Treecutter
Jeff: Moo-shin Mipants Wotring
Jeff: Herman Colostomy Dillon
Me: …
Me: Jeff Loves Dillon
Jeff: Weekends Walter Jousting Wotring
Jeff: what.
Me: My name is Jeff Dillon.
Jeff: Heterosexual Raymond
Me: Middle Initial?
Me: L.
Me: Middle Name?
Jeff: LOL
Me: loves
Me: errr
Jeff: “Notgay Wotring”
Jeff: will either be very fitting or hilariously ironic
Me: Bushy Genitad Wotring
Jeff: Merch Oomph Woring
Me: Curvey Didlo
Jeff: Dildo would be funnier
Me: No. Too obvious.
Me: Echotomy Rattler
Jeff: Euwish Euwera
Me: ViHov Blerker
Me: Lisner Preturk
Jeff: Laserbeak Oracle Wotring
Jeff: [transformers are always fun]
Me: Sniffley Reekomang
Jeff: Horatio Allistair Crumplebum Wotring III
Jeff: [always]
Me: Toodner Horfnert
Jeff: Whinst Pigillicaughty
Me: Ariel McVaccublarg
Jeff: Oid McBoyd Wotring
Me: Anystrewn Slew
Jeff: Chaotic Orantangelo
Me: Linechopper Ninerstopper
Me: ooh nice one
Jeff: Lemonjello Pajamordin
Me: Heresy Creambragger
Jeff: Satari Antelopermuffin
Me: Amiga Humpyspill
Me: Rumpy Trickle
Jeff: Velcro Prototympanic Wotring
Me: Pluggo van Servoblank
Jeff: Ribbed Anderfilter
Me: Dr. Wrank Birthsoup
Jeff: Positivarity Giorgina
Jeff: St. Ironitude Lifekicker
Me: Ironitude. lol.
Jeff: Placental Discharge
Me: You better adjust your ironitude mister!
Me: Labian Spearson
Jeff: Sarcasting Philanthropology
Jeff: LOL
Jeff: Labian
Jeff: AHHHHHHHH
Me: lol
Jeff: Vulvic Bypasser Wotring
Me: Vagley Dripingly
Jeff: Rectal Thermometry Wotring
Me: Peencorn Hatcher
Jeff: Madison Fuckerson
Me: Breastwitch Cranborn
Me: Sexicon Lexmixer
Jeff: Cocacola Pisspee
Me: Peeder Drinkmist
Jeff: Brastrappy Gigundomatic Wotring
Me: Shortnose Longbottom
Jeff: Bartenderized Uvular
Jeff: Properfucked Inspirateship Wotring
Me: Werst Prod Jr.
Jeff: Teakettle Annotated
Me: omg dude. … i just …
Me: I’m so spent.
Jeff: Yumter Halfquacked
Me: loi
Jeff: Fadriffic Anicdotomy
Jeff: Bipolish Pectoration
Jeff: Cheezery Brickscag
Jeff: Painteater Microfiche
Jeff: Peatshut Evertwick
Me: Downser Felloff
Jeff: Cerebonious Vichyfort
Me: Eltoid Buttmint

I wear formal leather shoes, I call em dressy chucks.
I braid the hair off my fists, I call em my 10 dreadknucks.
I can’t play Risk, I can only play Lux.

When I cannot curse, then I say shucks.
Trendy Coffee will cost fourbucks.
The tape I can use, I can use on ducts.
This blog is Rated R so I can’t say fsck.

Cellphones, PDA, laptops, mp3 players, security cameras, traffic cameras, web cams all have microphones in them. All of these microphones record me and later input the conversation into a secured database in the headquarters of the National Organization of Central Agency (NOCA). They review and process my words through a language filter, scoring my nationalism, sarcasm, joy, general apathy, specific apathy, creative thought, independent views, propensity to ‘OBEY’ and will power. Those ratings gets transferred into a rather large and obscured number they call a control number. The control number is a 9 digit number known by us as a social security number (SSN).

If my control number no longer matches my social security number, the NOCA subtly notifies Disney, NBC, Dell, Apple Computer, NPR, eBay, dc.Craigslist.com, Paramount Pictures, MTV, yahoo.com to modify their content directed at me to adjust my ingestion of media, words, ideas so to realign my score until it matches my SSN again.

It is only when we act in unpredictable ways that we can influence this process. I hope to generate random actions in such a way as to send a number to NOCA that will crash their central super computer with a stack overflow. I think the number I need is 221998031 but I think that involves flapping my arms up and down, buttering toast, reading the 2nd Harry Potter book backwards, chastising a blue stick on moral decay in New Jersery during the 1930s and wallowing in a baby pool filly with mildly spicy General Tso’s chicken.

The logistics of doing all of these things at the same time has been, up to this point, been extremely hard to arrange … Barnes and Noble is totally sold out of the 2nd Harry Potter book.

I’m laughing my OS off all the way to the bank.
Your windows server just got addicted to crank.
I would emailed you but my subj: line is blank.
You woulda known that had your Makefile had Make’d.

Can’t touch what you can’t grep and you’re grep’ing the blind
Can’t search on my shizz if you’re using MS find
I’m playing Doom8 and you’re sweeping the mines
Come over Gentoo with your round ass behind.

Drop down box says, broke busted and lame
Got more play than a Multi-Massive On Game
Got life, like a half 2 game of the same Name
So sit on John’s lap on his Coltrane Blue Train

NPR ran a story about Bill Gates the fag
I turned up the volume while racing on drag
And Tux put on his cap that still had on the tag
Until we hit bambi head on and he looked like a stag

Newegg had a CRT but I blew them away
When I ordered 10 LCDs of black plastic and grey.
And they overnighted them to me so I could then play.
10 instances of solitaire thus making me ghey.

Jeff: do a “how the nerd stole christmas”

the nerd stole christmas like a pasty weak grinch
he rebooted the 25th like a clumsy DOS winch
a fan of easter only, he thought it a cinch
to screw over santa and put him into a pinch

the destroyer of xmas, the ruiner of all
he’s punching your health, he’s punching your ball
he’s shrinking your manhood, he’s making it small
he’s forking over your server with a million system call();

Oh Subnet Change
Oh Subnet Change
Thou Cobwebs Do Rage Me

Oh Subnet Change
Oh Subnet Change
I Deeply Reget Dee I-P

Your .conf files burn
So my DNS sucks
My network stack
is on cinder blocks

Oh Subnet Change
Oh Subnet Change
Never again, I do think

OMG t3h truthz iz revealedorz!!!111oneoneone

Not since Clark Kent took off a pair of glasses has the world been so misguided.

Nay-sayer: “What do you mean Superman is Clark Kent? Clark Kent wears glasses! How would Superman see? Pfft … Superman is Clark Kent … pfff … ok whatever!”
Believer: “No, but seriously, Superman is Clark Kent and Clark Kent is Superman.”
Nay-sayer: “Shut up you weirdo! Go smoke some bad granola!”
Believer: “I … erm …”
Nay-sayer: “Superman doesn’t wear glasses! End of story!”

OMGWTFBBQ I am sO muCh more prOduCtive now! My face just blew up with joy! I am bleeding gratuity and appreciation for your informitive information! My life hurts with thanks! My health pains with gramercy for your illumination! My motivation is slain by your gracious enlightenment!

OMG!!!1111oneoneoneoneone

… waiting for my newegg shipment. It’s going quickly according to the website but nothing is too fast for me. We’re living in .. a .. material world .. am I am a material .. *hurl*.

So I’ll document the stages of waiting.

Stage 1: Overexposure
Onset of glowing glowness accomanied by really bad cameras and lamps. Glow makes FedEx run faster.

Stage 2: Sleep
Zzzzz. Dreams of 2 day shipments. Dreams of signing on the dotted line.

Stage 3: Hopelessness
With only my slump to console me. “Sign on the line …”

Stage 4: Substitution
OSX can play games. OSX can play some games. OSX can play some crappy games. OSX can play some crappy games slowly with poor framerates. OSX can not play any games since I lit it on fire.

Stage 5: Horror, fear, cursing, possession by demons, insanity in scalp
Satan signed for my packages. Damn you Satan.