Seven (tune)

Came off sounding like something Moby would do. I have no ending planned, this will likely fall by the way-side. The woman singing is Patti Smith. She broke out into song in the middle of a drugged-out beatnik poetry session. Other parts of the poem are in pew (no escape from TV).

All said and done, I like the way this thing starts out pretty lame but then tears your head off after she says “but I’ll make it real fast”, an appropriate and deliciously discovered sample.

(funny that Chuck had a seven post too, no relation)

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TL’s beat

TL showed me a beat he did manually (mouse input on laptop) in Reason. It was pretty cool, it’s all gated and stuff (noise gated stuff sounds short and abrupt). So here’s what I promised him, building on it.

The first bit is just his loop.

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Virus Keyboard


I’m the proud owner of a Virus TI keyboard. It’s an amazing analog synth from Germany. I have a lot to learn about it but for now I’m just amazed that I can record over USB to Cubase. No 1/4″ audio cables, pure digital.

This really cool guy at Chuck Levin’s and I talked for hours about music, pro gear, keyboards. He checked out my site and listened to a few tunes. It was a good time. He mentioned he knows a guy in Reflux. Pretty awesome.

It does synthy sounds really well, does “real” instruments pretty poorly. You can do drum and bass, rave, acid, trance stuff really easily with it (although I hate arpeggiators). I need a bag for it.

What was really cool is the software. Windows is a bit of a pain when you insert new hardware. It’s hard to explain but they made installing the drivers way easy. Even when I flashed the keyboard it had something cool going on:

Pretty funny.

More coming, for now, here’s a test tune I did. It’s very non-special but I’m testing and learning.

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Off-topic. My headphones don’t work in my apartment. The left headphone goes mute after about 5 minutes. Works fine in other places. They are new Sony MDR-V900HD headphones, must be sensitive to some electrical or environmental thing. The left one goes mute slowly even on my PSP. But when I took it to Guitar Center it worked for an hour.

I took it apart to look for shorts, no luck:

If you’ve had headphones do this, let me know.

Dodecedon of Satan

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What is a Dodecedon? Don’t you mean Dodecagon?

No. And now you have angered the Dodecedon. It will rip your head off your health and devour your lifeforce until only deathforce remains. [scary voice] Evil has twelve sides, one for every apostle. Twelve sides makes an unhappy polygon. Grim and frost-nibbled geometry.

Crazy Attempt (tune)

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TL is Jack London (updated)

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Updated a bit. More complexity, more ideas, need to tighten up vocals at end.

Math Metal


This is an attempt to do some multi-meter stuff. Change up some ideas, move into different grooves quickly. It builds up into what I was trying to make a power metal thing, with the synth tapping it comes out sorta electronica fusion. I ended it quickly because it was midnight and chops were dead.

It’s not as mathy as I wanted, nor as metal.

Boo title!

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Die Smooth Jazz, Die.


Chris teaches you to make horrible, evil, terrible, no-good, smooth jazz!

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I hate it so much. Here we go. Know your enemy.

  1. First, you’re going to need a band. Now get rid of them. Replace them all with keyboards.
  2. No one decides to make smooth jazz in a group, it’s like the unibomber. Surround yourself with these keyboards and laugh manically.
  3. Get a drum loop and make sure it swings really hard. So hard, it’s honky.
  4. Set your tempo to a sedentary 72 beats per minute.
  5. Get your guitar and play an octave apart at all times. If your solo gets too excited, take some valium.
  6. Make sure you’re 50+ years old and play golf. This helps a lot. Buy a cadilliac.
  7. Keyboard bass only. If you must play a real bass, make sure to slap the bass all the time. Slap bass hasn’t been popular for 20 years but whatever, you’re going to show them all who’s boss.
  8. If your song starts to have any edge to it, run away and hide. Then start over.

When the song is over, say “Smooth Jazz” in a drugged, sexy, commercial voice. Then set yourself on fire.

Destroy (tune, updated)

I spent 1am to 3am playing 15seconds of drum patterns. Believe me, it was stuck in my head for a while. Before that, I had spent a few hours doing some other recording but none of it came out very good. I’d like to add vocals to this thing but … don’t want to do any screamo stuff, have to wait a while and listen to it to come up with some good melody (or bad).

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The next thing is to do a tongue-in-cheek smooth jazz tune. Include a receipe on how to make one, since they are so bland and formulaic.

Undead Loop

This is just a short little dealy. A couple of days ago I was messing with a vocal reverser thing. It probably sounds like I’m saying “hand lotion” but I’m not. I forget what I was saying…

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