I just realized my old employer is FIFO. The first to join up are the first to leave.

Oh, I know it’s easy to bash on a corporation behind its back. But then again, it’s apparently easy for a corporation’s leaders to bash on me behind my back. Yep, I’m sure a whole bunch of stuff is being said about me now that I’m trying to start anew with a (hopefully) better fit. I think it’s not personal. I think management is trying to start up hate alliances to keep people together.

Suit1: Oh yeah, did you know that Jim smuggled Iranian cocaine into local elementary schools and mixed it in with the pudding?
Suit2: That’s surprising that Jim had that kind of time with all the baby seal beatings he was doing.
Suit1: Indeed. Darlene, you should stay with us. We’re good to work for.
Suit2: And how.

Whatever. I know it’s water under the bridge. Hopefully someone finds this as funny as I do. Really helps me cut the cord. Am, well, ahem. 47% turnover. Hrm. Yeah. [cough] STOP FUCKING OVER YOUR EMPLOYEES. Oh right, cut the cord. Ahem.

FIFO. Yeah. It’s freaking hilarious. FI: Obi-Wan, Ying, Wookie. FO: Obi-Wan, Ying, Wookie.

I just think about the poor bastard or consultant that has to replace all of us. I will try my best to support ‘those’ who are left in our places, to try to find something better. I hope it works out for my-ex (yes I’m being amiable), people leaving, people left and people not left yet. There’s a decent job for everyone. And there’s rotting in hell until my ribs split in laughter.

Whoops. Amiable.

Longhorn is Microsoft’s biggest update since Windows 95. They promise lots of changes and features. Release date taken from winsupersite.com

As hardware manufactures start to get on the Longhorn train, more and more people will wait to buy hardware. Why would I plop down $6000 for a high-end FX-57 AMD box with the shiniest hardware ever when Longhorn isn’t even finished yet. You see, Longhorn includes a graphics layer that is a rewrite of DirectX. In fact, it not called DirectX anymore. It’s Windows Graphics Foundation. It provides a hardware accelerated API for GUI components (just like Core Image from Apple). So there’s no way my shiny new card is going run an unreleased OS as well as a card that is manufactured after that OS is released. So clearly, there is an incentive to wait on buying a new computer. Thusly, people (like myself) are interested in the what, the how and the when of Longhorn.

Windows Graphics Foundation = Core Image

Called Windows Graphics Foundation (WGF), this new architecture will usher in some major changes to how 3D graphics operations get handled by Longhorn. These changes extend well beyond Longhorn’s Avalon technology, which will render the Windows Desktop using a GPU’s 3D graphics processing power rather than the traditional 2D blitter. WGF will instead define the core 3D operations themselves.

WGF promises to speed up the user interface by offloading the drawing work to the GPU. So stuff like minimizing a window can be done faster in the video card and with more blinking lights and fireworks. Unfortunately, it means that 2d cards probably won’t cut it. My powerbook has a 9600 mobile chip in it and it’s painfully slow with graphics. OSX is a beautiful hog. Get ready for the same thing in the PC world.

Castle = Bonjour

With Longhorn, creating ad hoc networks based on peer-to-peer technologies will be simple and seamless, opening up new avenues for group collaboration.

Apple has a technology called bonjour which is a networking layer that provides for ad hoc peer to peer networks and discovery. For example, you can walk into a building and find all the printers on the network without a bunch of ugly broadcasts and relaying. You could write a text-editing application that easily finds other text editors on your LAN so you can edit the same file at the same time. iChat can search using Bonjour for other people chatting. Again, OSX is already doing this.

EFS = Filevault

Longhorn will include technology based on the Encrypting File System (EFS) that helps prevent data exposure from lost or stolen laptops. You’ll be able to forward event logs to a central location.

OSX has a little option in the System Preferences window that says “encrypt my home directory”. It’s 128-bit strong and you’d need the person’s password in order to get to their files. Most of the time, OSX lets you install everything under your home directory so the thief wouldn’t even be able to play your copy of Doom3 without your password.

Apple’s already doing this.

Fast Search = Spotlight

Here’s the “full window” mode of spotlight vs Longhorn’s Fast Search. Wow, a perfect copy.

I know people are always stealing ideas from other people. Apple has stolen ideas in the past (see: Dashboard vs Konfabulator). But this is a major OS release! Microsoft has the resources right? Shouldn’t they be the market leader? Not the market follower?

Above is the abbreviated spotlight interface on the left and the Longhorn interface on the right. If you clicked on the spotlight search, it would expand to a screen that is almost identical to the Longhorn screen. (Click the Longhorn picture to zoom in)

Login Screen = OSX

Login screens in general are pretty generic so this critique is a bit of a stretch. However, in the context of all the other interface copying, there are some similarities that disgust me. The user names are now aligned in the center like OSX (XP was more right-aligned). The shutdown and reboot options are lined up along the bottom and you can see them all there (expanded) like OSX. XP had a shutdown link that brought up the shutdown choices, sort of a two step process to shutdown.


Note that Longhorn shows user icons for the login screen (XP does this too) but it’s kind of useless past the login screen. Apple uses your user icon for iChat, I wonder if Longhorn will copy this ‘icon reuse’ with MSN messenger.

Hey, anyone notice that marketing campaigns stink? Who can smell them the most? Do they work? Do people care?

I don’t watch the OC on FOX. But I’m around it when it’s on; call it osmosis.

The trailer for “Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith” played during a commercial break on the March 10 episode. This week, the main characters (I don’t even know their names) were playing the new PS2 starwars game, it’s not even out yet! They were acting all suave and cool:

“Hey, you just threw your lightsaber.”
“Yeah.”
“I didn’t know you could throw lightsabers.”

This is roughly equivalent to:

“Hey, this game has lots of gameplay features.”
“Yeah.”
“I didn’t know that this game has lots of gameplay features.”

So of course I’m googling this whole scene and I find this gem.

George Lucas will guest-star as himself on “The O.C.” on Thursday, May 12 (8:00-9:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX.

During the episode, Summer makes Zach and Seth decide which one of them is going to take her to Harbor High’s “The O.Sea” prom. But, after George Lucas expresses interest in Seth’s graphic novel, Seth is forced to make the most difficult decision of his life — take Summer to the prom or have dinner with George Lucas.

I know business is business. But … who’s not going to see episode 3? Fans are going to see it, old people won’t. The sales are already set in stone. Look at Matrix1. Very little promotion, lots of word of mouth advertising.

If episode3 has real content, real substance, then you don’t even have to spend a dime to advertise it. Put it in the theaters, have it rule and we’ll all buy the video game.

Hell, it seems that the whole galactic empire is selling out. Is Lucas trying to fund 15 more years of spinoffs? Is this some kind of product placement strikes back? Starwars M&M’s?

‘Darth mix’ colors
As for the M&M’s themselves, the special edition “Darth Mix” features the following new colors: black, maroon, purple, dark blue and silver. The classic milk chocolate flavor is found in the “Jedi Mix” with its new colors: beige, cream, pastel green, gold and “light-saber blue” M&M’s.

Wow great!

I really need to eat starwars.

I need more! What about a breakfast cereal?

“There is a tremendous amount of excitement for both our product line and the release of the final movie in the Star Wars saga,” Eric Nyman, director of marketing for Hasbro’s Star Wars brand said. “This movie answers the questions people have been waiting for and also gave us the opportunity to create some outstanding product…the best Star Wars line yet.”

More stuff!! Where are my Sith condoms? oh, well … um … that didn’t have much market potential.. Oh, come on! High school kids are having sex right? What not force our brand into their premature sex lives! It’d be great! You could impant a little chip that would make the vooom vooom light saber sound when their pre-marital copulating! What better advertising than that!

You’ve gone too far.

This kind of branding and mass expulsion of ad materials reminds me of the Hulk movie marketing fest. Is this what’s going to go in the land fills? Hulk green milk, Hulk piņatas, Hulk candy, Hulk gloves.

I saw Star Wars posters at Wegmans. What does that have to do with Groceries?

If bad taste sells so well, we all live in a bad tasting world, no?

I bought the LOTR DVD box set (consume) and it’s extremely well done. The DVD doesn’t have FBI warnings all over the place and the menu system is less annoying than most. (see Simpsons Season #5 for more good DVD design)

But that’s not the point. My point is, fantasy for real would be really neat-o. Actually, beyond neato. It’d probably make thing exciting day to day. And I’m not talking about reading a blog post about some guy dreaming about a fantasy world. I’m talking about really being there. Waking up and seeing a troll on your roof. A small dragon in your garden. Not picking up your copy of TurboTax but picking up a huge fucking sword and dialing your friend’s cell phone to group up and take on some shit.

The equipment, clothes, etc in LOTR really add a lot. Boromir wears his shield on his back. Really allows a lot of personality to develop. He can hide behind it, he can throw it like a disc and exhibit all kinds of poses and emotions with it. Same is true for cloaks and swords. Modern day life gives us cell phones and khakis. I haven’t seen anything dramatic come from the Gap product line.

A cell phone in a cargo pant pocket.
“I bought my cell phone at the mall. This size 34 pant is a little tight.”

A brown pouch with a gem in it that you found on a goblin you killed.
“The gem started glowing ever since I killed that goblin leader. Etc, etc.”

The idea of traveling in a group, with a cloak and a wide variety of skills at hand is cozy. Everyone has their specialty. You can group up, storm a room and burst into a flurry of action. Modern life has us stand in lines most of the time. I haven’t stood in a circle since elementary school.

Of course owning a sword is extremely geeky. I don’t own one but I used to. Maybe I will again but it’s all stupid. There aren’t any orcs and monsters at the grocery store. But there should be.

I’d love to come home from work and venture off into the woods killing real menaces. I’m sure a whole bunch of other people would to. The problem is, eventually people would realize that paying every person to rid another group of X monster from Y woods is dumb. The economy eventually would only pay the best and most skilled and common folk would probably end up making the swords or doing the adventurer’s taxes.

Watching LOTR is still fun as crap. For a couple of hours, you can imagine what a group would do in a world of wonder; what they would do with the time that they have. Watching a DVD is more practical too. Instead of getting the plague, I can play a RPG game and sleep in a bed protected by a boring and bland society.

Here’s my list of what kicks what’s ass. All these sites like bob’s animal fights and animal face off are really great for bar conversations but we’re not seeing the big pictures here. No science required, here’s my non-exhaustive list of kick-ass ordered from suck to awesome.

Slug

Nothing is more pathetic than a slug. Mother nature made it so that it looks like it’s already been defeated. I mean, what are you? Do you have any bones? Can I call a medic!? Say something!!! You suck slug and you are the lowest power in the universe.

Slugs are defeated by high winds and unhappy thoughts. No chance against anything. Lost already.

Field Mouse

A mouse would beat a slug in a fight. The slug would slowly be nibbled away by the mighty teeth of the ferious mouse (1/16 inch gnaw). A mouse can survive an 8ft fall. Colorblind and sight range of 10 feet. Excellent climbers. Travel at 12 feet per second (8 mph).

Not impressive. But good enough to beat a lowly slug.

My cat

But regardless of how fast a mouse is, a cat is faster. Predators are built/born to be superior than their prey. End of story. A household cat can run 30-35mph. Most cats can survive a fall of 30 feet. Felines’ spines are made of of tendions and muscle while humans’ spines are made of cartiliage. This is why a cat could jump straight up 5-6 feet onto your face if they wanted to. Cats have the largest eyes to body size of any predator. Their sense of smell is 14x what human’s sense is. Cats are the best hunters of mice on the earth in my opinion.

Wolf

My cat could not take down a wolf. A wolf is so much larger, it’d have no problem making my cat dead quick. Not a fair fight I know, but Wolf’s win on this list of what kicks what’s ass. Wolves are great pack hunters but not incredibly vicious alone. A wolf has 16x the hearing that humans have, 100x the sense of smell. Wolves have a 1500psi bite, 2x that of a german shepard. Wolves have 42 teeth.

Man

You could kill a wolf with a stick. You can kill a wolf with a rock. You can trap a wolf with no help from civilization or technology. You are smarter than a wolf. You can make spears. You know biology. My vote is, in a fair fight, a decently sized man in decent shape could kill a lone wolf. It wouldn’t be easy, but 90% of the time, my money is on a guy with a sharpened stick.

Police Dog

I’m putting police dog next because a coworker and I have had this debate for a while now and I did some reading. Professional trainers have seen person after person try to argue that a person can “kick this”. “do this” and they’ve seen people change their minds after getting into a padded suit and going against a police dog. A dog is too fast and bites too easily with too much force for you to fight barehanded. A person with a gun or a bat is a different story. In the wild, a man would win because he’d arm himself. In the context of Police Dog, I’m assuming that you’re in a city where carrying a large spear is probably illegal. Police Dog wins.

I think the only people in the world that would have a chance are the people who train the dogs. They know how to indimate them. They have experience fighting them with pads. They know how they move. They know what their targets are. Trainers have the upper hand with experience to compensate for natural ability.

Florida Panther

I saw one of these in a neighborhood in Florida and it was pretty crazy. He was digging through some garbage cans looking for food. He looked at me. I looked at him. He didn’t move. He stared at me as if to say, “you want a piece of this?”. Then, in a very proud way, he walked off slowly and deliberately. The shoulder muscles on it were crazy. Imagine a very large dog going to prison and getting chisled. That’s what a Florida Panther looks like. A panther could eat a dog no matter how trained they are.

Baboon (with condition/clause)

Baboons are underrated. I’m not saying a Florida Panther would just lay over and die for a Baboon. But if you gave a Baboon a weapon (like a chain, rope with spike), the Baboon would know how to weild the tool. Baboons are one of the few animals that have opposable thumbs AND know how to use tools. In a completely unarmed fight, a Baboon would be cat food. However, I’m assuming that Baboons could find a weapon in the wild.

Brown Bear

I hate this picture to the right. It’s a mounted bear with some redneck showing off that he can kill something with a gun he didn’t invent or build. So what. Humans seek superiority for no reason other than superiority. Screw you, hunter. Hope it falls on you.

But it’s a good example of how freaking big bears are. Size counts a long way and bears would have no problem sitting on a Baboon or what-not.

Siberian Tiger

40mph through the snow. 700lbs. 12 feet in length. Can eat 100lbs of meat in a night. “Tigers are built to kill large prey. Their hindlimbs are longer than their forelimbs, enabling the tiger to jump long distances. Tigers have heavily muscled forelimbs and shoulders, and paws equipped with long, retractable claws, which enable them to grab prey and drag it to the ground. A killing bite is delivered with powerful jaws and long canines.”

Nuff said.

Saltwater Crocodile

The image to the right is a fake, but to scale. 2 tons. 2500psi bite. The tiger could win, but it’s not a safe bet. Crocs are useless on land but absolutely amazing in the water. See a croc show if you can, you’ll be very glad you’re in your boring human city.

Polar Bear

1200 lbs. 10′ standing. 25 mph run. Biggest bear there is. A croc would die on land and these bears are good swimmers too. It wouldn’t be easy for either.

They strike from 100 feet away and have incredible jumping ability. Crocs are very impressive but I bet on the claws and bite rather than just bite.. I’m putting money on the polar bear.

Great White Shark

Adults range from 2,000 to more than 7,000 pounds, and can reach 23 feet long. But most adults are between 12 and 16 feet long. Using its powerful tail as a propeller, it can swim up to 15 mph in short bursts. Its 3000 teeth are pointed, serrated and razor-sharp for slicing through flesh. Unlike most fish, the great white shark can regulate its own body temperature, allowing it to maintain an optimum temperature for hunting, even in very cold water.

No bear or land animal would have a chance. Maybe an elephant or something huge in shallow water but that’s really not very fair.

Sperm Whale

A male sperm whale can be 49-59ft in length. 45-70 tons. It might not be the most fierce but I think a Great White would have very little chance to harm this thing and the Sperm Whale would have a good chance of biting it in half. Sperm Whales eat 1 ton of food each day which is essentially half of the largest great white shark. Amazing.

US Navy

_salutes_. Clearly, the U.S. Navy can destroy any of the above creatures. Humans have radio, tactics, language, tools and impressive weapons at their disposal. From what we know, we are the most harmful thing on the planet and the Navy is a good example of that.

Built with future growth in mind, their design is modular in nature, allowing for easy installation of entire subsystems within the ship. Space and power reservations have been made to accommodate future weapons and electronics systems as they are developed. Originally developed as Anti-Submarine (ASW) destroyers, 24 ships of this class were upgraded with the installation of a 61 cell Vertical Launch Missile System (VLS) capable of launching Tomahawk and Harpoon missiles.

The DD-963 SPRUANCE-class
Length 563 feet (171.6 meters)
Displacement 9,100 tons (8,190 metric tons) full load
Aircraft Two SH-60 Seahawk LAMPS III helicopters

Armament 2 – MK 143 Armored Box Launchers for Tomahawk SLCM or
1 – MK41 Vertical Launch System for Tomahawk SLCM
2 – MK 141 quad launchers w/ 8 Harpoon missiles
MK 29 launchers for NATO Sea Sparrow Missile System
2 – MK 15 20mm Phalanx CIWS Close-In Weapons Systems
2 – 5-Inch 54 Cal. MK 45 Guns (lightweight gun)
2 – MK 32 triple tube mounts w/ six Mk-46 torpedoes)
MK 112 Launcher for ASROC

Clearly, no biological lifeform can stand up to even a single ship of steel and firepower. Navy wins.

Superman

Superman could kick the Navy’s ass. Bullets bounce off him. He is a smart and nearly all-powerful being capable of spinning the earth backwards and changing time (this makes no sense). Regardless, the Navy would have a lot of sleepless nights and strategy meetings. I’m sure Superman would bust right through the White House/Pentagon walls and have some campy and inspiring dialouge.

Um, well, Superman beats the Navy.

Satan

Superman has a soul and Satan owns his ass. After Superman destroys all of mankind’s military (if not mankind after that), Satan pretty much has a contract out on Superman’s underpants. All the X-Ray vision and red cape flying isn’t going to keep Clark Kent away from an eternity of poking. poke, poke

Clearly, Satan has many, many ruthless minions. John Wayne has a fast draw. Superman could block his damned bullets but it’d keep him busy. Jeffery Dhalmer could munch on Superman’s arm and annoy him. Your 3rd grade teacher you asked be sent to hell could give Superman a pop-quiz. Satan has lots of options besides using his supernatural powers right-out.

God

To quote someone who is religious and more atuned to ‘eschatology’ (the study of the “last days” events, ie: the end of the world according to the bible): satan was servant of God, [he] wanted to be god, God said “no”, cast him out of heaven, satan no likey. Christians believe that God is all powerful so Satan loses here. God created everything and he could pull the plug on the whole deal.

Not even a straight royal flush can beat God. It’s like throwing a rock at the Sun. It’s like trying to complain to your congressman. It’s like beating the ground with a toothpick. You’d have a better fight if you started lifting yourself up from the ankles while underneath a oil freighter in the Pacific Ocean. God > everything. End of story.

That was educational.

My drivers license is wrong and I’m probably a closet optimist. After many years of not measuring myself and forgetting old measurements, I kinda had things wrong. I used to think I was 5′ 10″, maybe 5′ 9″.

But I measured myself with my girlfriend and found that I am very wrong. This all came up because Tiki Barber’s stats came up that he’s 5′ 10″ and 200lbs. I made the comment that I’m close to his size (not really) and my nice girlfriend said that I’m not even close to 5′ 10″. Ouch. And she was right.

I am 155lbs though. Tiki is probably all muscle too. This is even more depressing, especially considering that I probably couldn’t outrun him. I can only run a mile in like 7:30 now. I don’t know what my 20 yard time is. I should time it. It’s probably not very good.

My new year’s resolution is to run 2x a week. Maybe in doing this my stats will improve to “near tiki” numbers.

This is a map of how many starbucks shops are 5 miles from my apartment.

Be afraid.

There is one in a safeway that is very accessible. This is normally where I go to pick up a can of water soup. It’s really close. There’s another across the street from that one. Further down the street, there is a 3rd. Another measure of distance, if you stand from my apartment, you could easily throw an aerobie and hit these corporate outposts (if there were no buildings and you had 3 aerobies). That’s 3 that are really close eastward. Sad.

Reset me to my apartment again and we take a walk westward to find even more coffee. There is one that is closer than the Apple Store (I would consider carrying a 20-30lbs package this distance). Further, there are a few more that wouldn’t be considered a decent walk with, say, old or out of shape people. If you really had to walk though, there are like 3 other coffee shops around Metro stops west. But I wouldn’t call those close. So west there are 2 other shops.

Lastly, you could walk to Georgetown (this is easily walkable for stuff like movies). Add one more to our list of 5. That brings us to 6 that I would call walkable. 9 if you had some time on your hands.

Be afraid.

iPoker is a really great poker game for OSX. It was really challenging for a while (I was in the hole forever) until I played around with the settings to make it un-fun.

I set it to ‘no-limit’ poker and a loose betting style. The computer players go all in on Texas hold-em on a really weak hand (like a pair of anything even if it’s the community cards).

The picture you see above is a few rounds of me (player 1 – blue) beating the pants of the CPU players. They bet it all even if they have crap. If only real-life was like this.

 60. 8F24 (SI-324 / S04E01) Kamp Krusty
 61. 8F18 (SI-318 / S04E02) A Streetcar Named Marge
 62. 9F01 (SI-401 / S04E03) Homer the Heretic
 63. 9F02 (SI-402 / S04E04) Lisa the Beauty Queen
 64. 9F04 (SI-404 / S04E05) Treehouse of Horror III
 65. 9F03 (SI-403 / S04E06) Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie
 66. 9F05 (SI-405 / S04E07) Marge Gets a Job
 67. 9F06 (SI-406 / S04E08) New Kid on the Block

I’m loving ‘New Kid on the Block’. The scene where Homer is eating at the Flying Dutchman is classic.

‘Tis no man. ‘Tis a remorseless eating machine.
– Captain McAlister watches Homer eat all his profits

The part in ‘Marge gets a job’ is also funny where Mr. Burns asks to “zoom in” “zoom in” [bumps into Marge's face with the security camera] “too close”.

Bah. This post is dumb. I’m so burned from doing this database server upgrade where 20 customer databases were on the line. It was grueling and stressful. It ended up turning out ok. I think I really nailed the pre-planning. My team has a good set of skills and synergy. Definitely could have been worse. Anyway, Simpsons really good medicine now. Nuff whining.

Last Friday I had a major brain fart. I went downstairs, ordered a sandwich from the nice lady behind the counter. The reason I point out that the ‘owner’ is a woman is because she announces your order in a really high pitched voice. It is simply amplified by her voice type. (Please don’t read any sexist overtones, you blithering bastard)

I realized that I didn’t have any cash. I went to the ATM. Usually I take out $200. This ATM only lets you take $100 out. I tried entering a custom amount but it limited me. Already my habits are set off. While waiting for the ATM modem to dial, she yelled that my order was ready. I got my sandwich and went upstairs.

Later that night at happy hour, I was surprised to find that I was broke. I instantly knew what had happened. I knew that my receipt and my $100 was sitting in the ATM machine of the lunch room (now closed) and I had lost $100, making this the world’s most expensive reuben at a whopping $104.65. I figured that someone in the lunch hour would see the money and take it. Or possibly someone would withdraw money and have my cash mix in with theirs … by then I had written it off and everyone laughed at me and punched me in the groin.

Except memorizing the serial numbers on the $20s, what right did I have to it?

Today, I asked the cashier if they had found 5x $20 bills. To my surprise, they had. The owner’s daughter had found it Friday night. She was responsible for checking the ATM’s receipts and cash balance that night. Their daughter was quite young and I was surprised that she didn’t just pocket the money. As a kid, a hundred smackers would really make my day.

Yes, I’m an idiot. But I must say: what luck, what honesty! Anyone could have taken the money and left me for broke. But I’m glad they didn’t for character’s sake. I’m glad the price tag on character doesn’t cost $100.