Edgar: it makes sense that if you’re married ..
Edgar: you get good jobs
Edgar: (employment, I mean)
Me: Jesus Christ Edgar.
Edgar: lol
Edgar: it makes total sense
Me: I mean, Nothing Edgar, what the hell are we going to do if we get married. Is Donna planning some uber-double dating schedule where we dine and talk about how committed our penises are to a single vagey?
Me: “Well I never dip my wick outside the home.”
I Edgar, my face is bleeding with love.”
Me: “Punch me on my wedding band!”
“I love my wife’s tits!”
Me: [waiter pours water]
Edgar: LOL
Edgar: wow
Edgar: issues
Me: where are the iPod assless chaps?
Edgar: LOL
Me: Bozo for president.
Me: *salute
Me: he’ll send you to war.
Me: with seltzer water.
Edgar: if Bozo = president, then me = john wayne gacey
Edgar: crap
Edgar: mysql question
Edgar: how do I do everything?
Edgar: I need to modify a field in a table
Edgar: I just listed the fields w/ “DESCRIBE”
Me: k
Me: modify a field. like how.
Edgar: like change the info
Me: be calm Chris.
Edgar: there’s a database w/ email/password for users in MantisBT
Me: be calm.
Edgar: Maynard’s got it right
Edgar: he might not be singing about the gov’t in particular, but it’s the gov’t that helped shape the frightening face of western culture today
Me: Welcome! Welcome to City17. You have chosen one of our finest remaining urban settings.
Me: I am fond so much of this City 17 that I elected to establish my administration here, in the citadel so thoughtfully provided by our benefactors…
Me: I’ve been proud to call City 17 my home.
Me: oh yeah, my friggin RAM worked. no HL2 test yet. tonight. oh beautiful tonight.
Edgar: nice
Me: we should meet on a server.
Edgar: I wont’ be on ’til late
Me: [old time whistle blows]
Me: [tumbleweed]
Edgar: I gotta help my brother move a cast-iron wood stove
Edgar: AND
Me: holy @!#$ LOL!
Me: PROS:
1. I don’t suck
2. I know people here. I know the business.
3. I fucking got T University integrated into LDAP because of all the shit I went through with Nagios.
Me: 4. I’m white. That’s huge. Jesus loves me because of that.
Me: @!#$AWef980
Edgar: wow
Edgar: Jesus is gonna kick your ass for that
Me: 5. I got you fired and you didn’t even know that.
Edgar: !!!
Edgar: *sigh
Me: 6. That PIP shit was all a fucking joke and we’re still laughing at you.
Edgar: LOL
Me: so, the xbox is gay in one way:
Edgar: it has sex w/ other Xbox’s of the same gender?
Me: yes and, you have to enable all the tasties.
Edgar: num num num
Me: ie: prog scan and dts sound
Me: whereas the GC detects it.
Edgar: nice
Edgar: I have a junky old TV
Edgar: I’m happy when I can see the characters ont he screen
Edgar: *jealous rage building
Me: what a feature.
Me: ahem.
Me: what’s your CC balance?
Me: yeah.
Edgar: ummm
Edgar: got me there
Me: yeah, I bet it’s 0.
Me: Mine’s like 4,300.
Me: shit, I have more money in FFXI.
Edgar: LOL
Edgar: will you get married in a church?
Me: it was all a bad dream. I’m 18 again.
Edgar: ’cause if you did
Me: gawd. Fun topics!
Me: whatever.
Edgar: wouldn’t that be kinda hypocritical?
Me: At least I’d be honest about my heresy.
Edgar: LOL
Edgar: I can appreciate that
Me: Which is better than lying about faith.
Me: Like all the old people do when their health goes to shit.
Me: Like I will …
Me: [sobby]
Edgar: stick to your convictions
Me: Kristin has no church.
Edgar: you could get married in the apple store
Me: LOL
Me: Now that would rule.
Edgar: or, do a Final Fantasy wedding
Edgar: you could be Cloud
Me: “Oh a G5! You should have!”
Edgar: lol
Edgar: that would be a sweet wedding present
Me: I’d cleave you in half with my wedding ring +1. It smites idiots.
Edgar: you’ll be rendered paralyzed w/ her “nagging spell”
Me: “Do you take her to be your wedded wife?”
“Yes.”
“Then equip for her, the ring.”
Me: oh, this is getting bad.
Edgar: you could get married in a satanic church
Me: good, bad, I’m the one with the gun.
Edgar: Ash?
Me: It’s all a wash.
Me: Good church, bad church…
Edgar: or – just go to the Courthouse
Edgar: will she want the full, all=out traditional wedding?
Me: Seriously, my parents would probably suggest the church behind their house. The one I used to serve in!
Me: You know, that whole phase of my life where I gave it a shot …
Edgar: you better be careful – Jesus will be there waiting for you …
Me: You know, probably longer than you’ve been born again?
Me: Ringing a bell you fuck?
Edgar: “oh, hey Chris – it’s me, Jesus – REMEMBER?!”
Me: Oh dude, that would rule.
Edgar: “why haven’t you called or anything, huh?”
Me: “Finally, fucking giving me something to work with.”
Edgar: LOL
Me: I wonder if his high 5 would hurt.
Edgar: you’ll be like “wow! you’re real – oh, man – this is awesome”
Edgar: and he’ll be like …
Me: “Hey, so are you really hung like Christ?”
Edgar: “oh – excuse me, who are you? I don’t think YOU’RE real, Chris!!”
Me: :D
Me: Oh nos!
Me: ok, don’t EVER Google Image Search for old guy.
Me: holy jet lag
Edgar: welcome back to America
Edgar: now get to work!!!!
Me: Kristin slept walked last night she was so fucked.
Me: 36 hours and a couple of naps for her.
Me: No sleep.
Me: She kept opening the door and running up the stairs outside in the hallway.
Me: The slamming finally woke me up.
Me: she came back in and asked me what I was doing there.
Edgar: !!!
Edgar: yikes
Me: I said, I just got up. Then her voice changed and I asked her, are you awake?
Me: Only then she said yes.
Me: it was weird. she was creeped.
Me: So I barricaded the door with my suitcase, locked it and put a pappazan chair in front of it.
Edgar: wow – man, is it super-boring here
Edgar: we’ve got tons of work
Edgar: but no soap-opera!
Me: and you do the work?
Me: and then the work is done?
Edgar: eventually, yes
Edgar: I don’t get threated by aestethically self-malformed hermaphrodites
Me: So let me get this straight:
a. come to work
b. do tons of work
c. get work done
d. are or in the state of having work done; ie: “I am done with my work now.”
e. go home after work
f. reap benefits of said work
Edgar: pretty much
Me: that’s nuts.
Me: We don’t do that here.
Edgar: lol
Edgar: this job has the least amount of politics of any I’ve ever had
Edgar: by far
Edgar: kinda weird
Edgar: you guys better be careful, she may want “snu-snu”
Me: What we do here:
a. fucking come to work
b. punch boss in balls
c. forgot about work
d. blame work on some fucking disaster in hache
e. lose customers because of substance problem
f. hate mother / call 911 every 5 minutes
g. go home with paper shredder in ass
Me: …
Me: I hate it when ppl leave.
Me: “Yes, I hate it too.”
Edgar: don’t sweat it – you’ll only be there 40 more years til you retire
Me: true.
Me: wait.
Edgar: i mean … c’mon – you can do it
Edgar: *waiting …
Me: by then, I might have hit level 70 in FFXI.
Edgar: LOL
Me: btw. paid off my credit card. \m/ I think I had 7k on it at peak. S2000, trip, etc. I’ve been saving and paying way before you left I think. You left in 8/2004. 5/2004 was the coredebt and corvette sell.
Edgar: congrats!!!!
Edgar: that’s huge man
Edgar: other than the car, debt-free, right?
Me: Next, sell the car, work for less stress, get married, buy a house, change my name to Edgar, stalk you 24/7 with TL, put TL in a cow costume …
Edgar: LOL
Me: we were talking at lunch: satan vs superman
Me: DUDE WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT
Me: WHO IS MORE METAL THAN THE MAN OF STEEL?
Edgar: if he could get some demons to posses superman …
Edgar: lol
Me: steel = metal
Me: superman = metal
Me: lol
Edgar: the only thing more metall … is steel itself http://www.artlex.com/ArtLex/s/images/steel_kapoor.turning.lg
Edgar: o.k. – these guys are the exception … http://home.worldonline.dk/defender/Manowar/album10.jpg
Me: wtf
Edgar: \m/
Me: what the fuck is that lead guy wearing?
Me: the +1 diaper of war?
Edgar: animal skin loin cloth or something
Edgar: LOL
Me: wtf.
Me: dead @ 50?
Me: b.s.
Edgar: Tuesday, July 18, 2028
Edgar: you win!
Me: we’ll celebrate in nothingness on saturday.
Edgar: lol
Edgar: hey chris!
Edgar: …
Edgar: …
Edgar: …
Edgar: [cricket chirp]
Edgar: …
Me: I did it before for 12 billion years.
Edgar: …
Me: I can do another 12 billion standing on my nothing!
Me: er, head.
Edgar: LOL
Edgar: I would say the 1950s were the best, but life was becoming a lot more complex
Edgar: gov’t was greatly expanding
Me: domestic violence. racism.
Edgar: tough to say
Edgar: thank God those are gone!
Edgar: *whew
Me: hey
Me: say what you want dude, it’s fading.
Me: talk to someone who’s old.
Edgar: hmmm … I’m not entirely convinced of that
Edgar: but
Edgar: if that’s true
Me: whatever.
Edgar: I think we’ve exchanged problems for problems
Edgar: that stuff may be down
Edgar: but other things are on the rise
Me: My grandmother and my parents went out and she said, “wanna hear a joke?”
Me: “A nigger and a wop walk into a bar…”
Edgar: *uh oh
Me: OMG!!!1
Me: The earth would not bear a sniveling organism.
Edgar: nothing has fundamentaly changed – that’s what I expect
Me: So maybe we lose.
Me: So what. We build AI.
Me: The future doesn’t need us.
Edgar: agreed
Me: God creates Man. Man creates Robots. Robots live on and don’t have to hump each other. God is well pleased.
Me: Satan writes viruses.
Edgar: and man remains unchanged
Edgar: lol
Me: We need to start a company. I’ve got a name: The Space Place. It’s perfect. We’ll be in direct competition with the Container Store. We’ll sell the emptiness that you put in the containers.
TL: brilliant thir….selling air!
Me: I don’t want a yes man thir!
TL: no you dont!
Me: I need entrepreneurial leadership paradigms! I need high5′s! I need free snacks to fund our
TL: i need a board of directors to pee in my revenue streams
TL: and dump trash
Me: We’ll have isles and isles of empty shelves.
Me: Shopping carts with no bottom.
TL: wal-mart sized!
Me: With security systems!
Me: “Hey you! Holding your breath! Stop!”
Me: If I died and could talk to you, I’d probably do a ghost parody.
Edgar: lol
Me: ooOOOoo
Edgar: chris! dammit – stop haunting me
Me: No.
Edgar: I’m try to have sex
Me: Let me equip my ethereal dildo!
Me: Donna would think she’d died and gone to heaven!
Me: hahaha
Edgar: LOL
Me: Just think of all the screenshots you’ll take when the HL2 MMORPG comes out.
Edgar: ugh
Edgar: I hope they don’t make one
Edgar: it’d be the end of me
Me: “The all-new HL2 MMO! You get to play a variety of characters:
- Gordon Freeman
- Jon Chang from Discordance Axis
- Jesus
- Peter Griffin
- A tasty,tasty Muffin
- Monica Bellucci
- That chick from The Chase
Guide your character through endless adventures where you have gay sex with your secret lover, [Edgar's Secret Crush] and obtain new powers and skills like:
- Overthrowing the fucking government
- Making a difference in politics
- whatEVER man
- Throwing up the horns
- whatEVER!
Edgar: LOL – Jon Chang – nice D.A. reference
Edgar: sheesh
Me: She = power
Edgar: She = WMD
Me: Muscle. Money. Gun.
Me: wtf
Edgar: she probably keeps uranium in her anus
Edgar: just in case
Me: lol!
Me: “You have colon cancer.”
Me: “Well duh.”
Edgar: lol – and ow
Edgar: cancerous anus
Edgar: ew
