Tim: hmm…its going to cost 500+ to replace my guest tub…or $20 to try to fix it myself……wonder which one i am choosing
Tim: correction…16.78 for the DIY kit
Tim: thats the one thing i miss about being in an apartment “Hello property manager…item X doesn’t work…please come fix it”
Me: The first rule of Fight Tub, you do not talk about Fight Tub.
Me: The second rule of Fight Tub is – YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT FIGHT TUB.
Tim: doh

Me: Smorshfist Wotring
Me: Brackless Destiny Wotring
Me: Super Mushlette Wotring
Me: Moppy Wrangler
Me: Strandy Undie
Jeff: Popper Nestify
Me: Stop Westification Wotring
Jeff: Gorgon Hiesenburg Wotring
Jeff: Valhalla Krytos Wotring
Me: Geurselee Yorker
Me: Xythosian Aantombler Wotring
Jeff: I’Moorlak Ghys-zvhydruen Wotring
Me: Barrading Stimpy
Me: Revolving Trussmiffler
Jeff: Farvlow Abingdon
Jeff: Portulance Constituent
Me: Yord de Vord
Jeff: Borque E Borque
Me: Yord de Vord, I drive a Ford.
Me: Ferdy Herder
Jeff: Megatron Humphry Wotring
Me: Ms. Spathy Penetratelson Wotring
Me: Mr. Youngly Molerithe
Jeff: Mothra Yessireebob Wotring
Me: Ronky Squeeknerf
Jeff: Zabadoo Zebediah Zachariah Wotring
Me: zzzw. what’s up man.
Jeff: Fritz Cornshuuter Wotring
Me: Vadim Yortgagger
Me: Colluna Treecutter
Jeff: Moo-shin Mipants Wotring
Jeff: Herman Colostomy Dillon
Me: …
Me: Jeff Loves Dillon
Jeff: Weekends Walter Jousting Wotring
Jeff: what.
Me: My name is Jeff Dillon.
Jeff: Heterosexual Raymond
Me: Middle Initial?
Me: L.
Me: Middle Name?
Jeff: LOL
Me: loves
Me: errr
Jeff: “Notgay Wotring”
Jeff: will either be very fitting or hilariously ironic
Me: Bushy Genitad Wotring
Jeff: Merch Oomph Woring
Me: Curvey Didlo
Jeff: Dildo would be funnier
Me: No. Too obvious.
Me: Echotomy Rattler
Jeff: Euwish Euwera
Me: ViHov Blerker
Me: Lisner Preturk
Jeff: Laserbeak Oracle Wotring
Jeff: [transformers are always fun]
Me: Sniffley Reekomang
Jeff: Horatio Allistair Crumplebum Wotring III
Jeff: [always]
Me: Toodner Horfnert
Jeff: Whinst Pigillicaughty
Me: Ariel McVaccublarg
Jeff: Oid McBoyd Wotring
Me: Anystrewn Slew
Jeff: Chaotic Orantangelo
Me: Linechopper Ninerstopper
Me: ooh nice one
Jeff: Lemonjello Pajamordin
Me: Heresy Creambragger
Jeff: Satari Antelopermuffin
Me: Amiga Humpyspill
Me: Rumpy Trickle
Jeff: Velcro Prototympanic Wotring
Me: Pluggo van Servoblank
Jeff: Ribbed Anderfilter
Me: Dr. Wrank Birthsoup
Jeff: Positivarity Giorgina
Jeff: St. Ironitude Lifekicker
Me: Ironitude. lol.
Jeff: Placental Discharge
Me: You better adjust your ironitude mister!
Me: Labian Spearson
Jeff: Sarcasting Philanthropology
Jeff: LOL
Jeff: Labian
Jeff: AHHHHHHHH
Me: lol
Jeff: Vulvic Bypasser Wotring
Me: Vagley Dripingly
Jeff: Rectal Thermometry Wotring
Me: Peencorn Hatcher
Jeff: Madison Fuckerson
Me: Breastwitch Cranborn
Me: Sexicon Lexmixer
Jeff: Cocacola Pisspee
Me: Peeder Drinkmist
Jeff: Brastrappy Gigundomatic Wotring
Me: Shortnose Longbottom
Jeff: Bartenderized Uvular
Jeff: Properfucked Inspirateship Wotring
Me: Werst Prod Jr.
Jeff: Teakettle Annotated
Me: omg dude. … i just …
Me: I’m so spent.
Jeff: Yumter Halfquacked
Me: loi
Jeff: Fadriffic Anicdotomy
Jeff: Bipolish Pectoration
Jeff: Cheezery Brickscag
Jeff: Painteater Microfiche
Jeff: Peatshut Evertwick
Me: Downser Felloff
Jeff: Cerebonious Vichyfort
Me: Eltoid Buttmint

Matt: Chris…
Matt: …the dot matrix
Matt: …it has you!

Me: and I have ir
Me: it
Me: I have ir too.
Jeff: i have ire
Me: ??
Jeff: meaning hate
Me: noice
Me: I have tire.
Me: It means condom.
Jeff: i have fire. meaning herpes.
Me: I have sire, meaning wife.
Jeff: i have liar. meaning atul.
Me: Good one!
Jeff: i have prior. meaning richard.
Me: I have briar, meaning Tar baby.
Me: Brier*
Jeff: i have fryer. It’s an asian wagon. Ladio Fryer.
Me: I have satire, meaning me working for a defense contrator.
Jeff: i have the shire. meaning where noah lives.
Me: omg
Me: fucking zing
Jeff: i have “everyone for hire”. meaning The EOCO.
Me: re-zing
Me: zing reloaded
Jeff: I have funeral pire. meaning the same.
Me: I have ches-hire, meaning George P.
Jeff: i have wearing a wire. as in SCC investigations of the jain family.
Me: ouch.
Me: Zing Revolutions.
Jeff: i have desire. as in robots can’t feel.
Jeff: i have higher. as in pay than what it was at teoco.
Jeff: *also see “standards”
Jeff: i have quagmire. well. thats pretty self-explanatory.
Me: I have dire. As in my teddy bear.
Jeff: i have ‘youre fired’. as in Bethany.
Me: Whoa. The Two Zing Towers.
Jeff: we’ll take the memic route thanks
Jeff: I have retire. as in Giuntini.
Me: that is true.
Me: The Return of the Zing King.
Jeff: i have squire. as in fender.
Me: the bass?
Jeff: I have underwire. As in boobs.
Me: Nice. Zing Episode IV: A New Zing
Jeff: i have lawyer. As in “mr wookie – you have been served. if you do not show up in court…”
Me: I have drier. As in Kelly looking at Arthur.
Jeff: i have pliers. Meaning NISCO, Sage, N
Jeff: !
Jeff: Malibu’s most Zing
Me: I have conspire. As in hackers + free time + SimplePHP
Me: I have inquire. As in me + beer + slut in Macados in 1996, no I totally didn’t know she was a guy but she’s pregant with my kid in Mexico and OMG Kristin is going to kill me.
Jeff: I have perspire. Meaning I punch fucktard n he nuts a lot.
Jeff: LOL
Me: I have transpire. As in my divorce in 2 years.
Me: I have McGuire. As in, you had me at ThanksGibbing.
Jeff: I have aspire. As in to not be poor all my days
Me: I have Townhouse Buyer. As in holy fucking 20k.
Jeff: i have Worchestershire. As in this beef tastes of salt and raisins.
Jeff: \m/
Jeff: Back to the Zing
Me: I have Fantastically Fabulous Attire. As in my pink thong that is starting to boost my rash.
Me: Zing. Zing a zong. Make it flappy. To last your own rife rong!
Me: Just Zing. Zing a song!
Me: zong* boo
Jeff: i have line of fire. as in could you move 3″ to the left.
Me: I have desire. No can do thir.
Jeff: i have choir. as in youre preaching to me.
Me: I have entire. As in you have memorized, family guy.
Me: I have wider. As in Bethany’s ass after eating ice cream for 40 years after she gets a semi and doesn’t know how she did.
Jeff: i have gruyere. as in cave-aged swiss cheese
Jeff: i have dyer. as in Tom Kin’s hair dresser.
Me: I have wiser. As in, she’ll be none-the …when I sneak in @ midnight and grab her man nuts.
Jeff: i have Geiger. meaning Gordon Freeman.
Jeff: LOL
Me: hehe
Jeff: Jurassic Zing II: The one with Goldbloom only
Jeff: I have Fly-er. As in the sequel to The Fly. Also with Jeff Goldbloom
Me: I have geyser. As in me after 10 Venti Mochas.
Me: Fly-er.
Me: lol
Me: I have Whiner. As in my blog.
Me: I have Berliner. As in “I AM A DOUGHNUT”.
Jeff: i have crimer. as in Amy Fisher.
Jeff: I have luxury liner. As in Leonardo Dicaprio SUCKS
Me: omg. Zing 2002: A Zing Obyssey.
Me: I have designer. As in the snake tattoo on my balls that I can animate to climb on your forehead.
Me: *wap*
Me: Indiana Jones and the Temple of Zing.
Me: I have minor. As in Emma Watson.
Jeff: i have modifier. meaning +10 against agres
Jeff: *ogres. boo
Me: Oh nice.
Me: I have Hermione Granger. Ok whatever, she’ll be hot in about 12 years.
Jeff: I have shier. meaning scotch on the rocks.
Me: Omg, Emma Watson was born in 1990.
Me: I’m going to hell. Misinterpretation by Kristin or not.
Jeff: i have require. Meaning not to see sling blade.
Jeff: shes 15
Me: lol
Me: Wow.
Me: I thought I was joking about 12 years.
Jeff: you have a cellmate sodomizer. as in you’re going to jail, perv.
Me: That’s a 10-4 niner. As in “read you loud and clear”
Jeff: i have goblet of fire. meaning chris [hearts] 15-year old chicks
Jeff: i have begigner. meaning not cancer
Me: I have shiner. As in meeting Emma Watson’s Dad in a bar and showing up to work the next day.
Me: I have Niger. As in, no that N word is okay. It’s a country.
Jeff: i have diner. silver.
Me: I have slicer. As in hymen.
Jeff: i have vaginer. As in JFK loved ‘em.
Jeff: I have fertilizer. Meaning in my pants.
Me: I have slider. As in you on your pants downhill.
Jeff: I have exerciser. As in father O’Dowd.
Me: I have cider. As in puked on Father ODowd.
Jeff: I have limewire. As in pwn3d by spyware.
Me: I have spider. As in google logging your warez.
Jeff: I have wider. meaning my ass.
Me: Zing. The next generation.
Jeff: I have grinder. Meaning hoagie.
Me: I have Rob Schneider. As in Hoagies and Grinders, Lunchlady lady and Holy Shit he and Adam Sandler are in everything together.
Me: wow, I fucked that up.
Jeff: i have Mira. as in Sorvino
Me: The space station?
Jeff: thats mir
Me: Oh, that’s Mir, Soviet.
Jeff: mira sorvino = actress
Me: LOL
Me: I’m dating Mir.
Jeff: LOL

Me: Cubicles = bane
TL: life = pain
Me: Lion = mane
TL: god = lame
Me: emulation = MAME
TL: istanbul = stain!
Me: iChat = GAIM
TL: donkey = sprain
Me: making a huge line of mobs in WoW and having them follow you into town = train
TL: watching erik play WoW for 6 months straight = wayne
Me: My opinion of addiction = same
TL: shammy damn wrinkly larry = game
TL: new game I wrote
TL: sucks
Me: oh that’s so cool that I just = came
TL: cosmos in your jockey shorts = spray
Me: Getting a halberd in my ass = yay
TL: sqaure surface to vomit on = tray
TL: *square
Me: Dude, I didn’t steal your funions. Yeah you did. No. = way
TL: rewling the l33t chat session = gay
Me: Ice s’ghey-ting = ghey
Me: Join the Army, fight for freedom, join = today
TL: I’d rather make money and live another = day
Me: There’s nothing more great in life than working forever, paying bills, growing old and increasing your skill in = crochet
Me: That’s what my Grandma did and she’s doing ok in = green bay
TL: life, it’s horrible journey… begging for the end, drinking ensure all = day
Me: That’s near Minnesota where I was born where they say oh ya and = sorbet
TL: bleeding rectum and no teeth = pray
Me: But what do I want from life other than clever AIM = communique
TL: how about a quad G5 = eh?
Me: From = Comp USA?
TL: no! from apple store in californi = a
Me: Near the = yuk-eh-tay pennisu-lay?
Me: Or the = SF Bay
TL: close, but not real = lay
Me: They make a sweet liquid crystal = display
TL: it shows me hitting beach then = the hay
Me: It shows me your driving record and = dossier
TL: i get you SSN and the records of your = pay
Me: I bet Steve Jobs wears a = toupee
TL: oh thir! my nerves, they = fray
Me: When we consume we = OBEY
TL: *bows*
Me: I got rhymes like disease gots = bombay
TL: i got more hours than a month has = days
Me: which explains my $hash = new array();
TL: i prefer my $hash = browns
Me: which compiles fine on my scalable = Crayİ
Me: Those CPUs are built in foreign = Tai Pei
TL: decipher and decrypt at the = NSA
Me: Which has more gays than a Nutcracker = ballet
TL: you’re doing very thir, what’s the script = say?
Me: Oh man, the government loggers with this IM conversation are going to have a = field day
TL: me = yay
Me: you = hurray
Me: me = foul play
TL: i wish i could order G5 = tdoay
TL: *today
Me: government = puree
TL: tomato sauce = parfet

“What we mean is … I heard webmaster in 1983 and I’m still saying it because I don’t know who runs our website!”
Jeff: lol
Jeff: “webmasters click here” – is that me?
Jeff: i consider myself well versed in all things “web”
Jeff: hell yeah I’m a web *master*
Jeff: code?
Jeff: wtf – nobody gave me a code
Jeff: <drives around looking for Webmaster DMV registration>
Jeff: <finds it>
Me: whoa!
Me: Lois, how … unexpected.
Jeff: <looks at wait sign> 2 friggin hours?!
Me: Jeff’s story takes a twist…
Jeff: I’m not waiting in line for 2 hours
Jeff: <goes home> <pops open computer>
Jeff: [webmasters click here] “this is totally me – I’m a friggin web GOD”
Jeff: “code? wtf!”
Me: You’re a stream of consciousness device. cat /dev/jeff and you get this shit.
Me: :D
Me: lol